


pirate problem

by SkeletonHypetrain



Category: Pirates of the Caribbean (Movies)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-19
Updated: 2018-06-19
Packaged: 2019-05-25 11:38:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,607
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14976395
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SkeletonHypetrain/pseuds/SkeletonHypetrain
Summary: this is what happens when you put two idiots in a fandom and this happens.





	pirate problem

Pirate problem  
a mertens's story shorties.  
Today is summer, so, the mertens went to the PoTC fandom/universe just to be pirates.  
Paullie just bought a pirate hat and a jacket.  
Paul bought also an old jacket.  
then paullie was at the docks, speaking with someone else.  
person: so you are going to buy this medium sized ship?.  
Paullie: of course.  
Person: but, are you sure you are going to have adventures, paul told you that you are seasick.  
Paullie: well, ship happens,hey that would be the name of my ship, "ship happens".  
Person:that would cost 4,99$ plus including a loot box with a key that unlocks 3 canons, 2 guns, 300 golden coins and a sword.  
Paullie:ok!.  
And thus,the mertens started their adventures, they were two casual idiots in this dangerous universe.  
They were exploring,drinking rum, being drunk, etc.  
You know they are now two pirates that are idiots.  
But one day, paullie was at her ship paul, while she was at the rudder.  
suddenly,she heard paul  
Paul: CAPTAIN!  
Paullie: ye- yeah?  
Paul:LOOK!.  
Then she looked at the ruined black galleon coming after them.  
Paullie: OH FUCK!  
Paullie: nonononononono  
Both the mertens screamed like girls, paullie started to navigate so fast.  
Paullie: dude, we have so much shit, DUDE HOLY FUCKING SHIT, GO, PAUL GET DOWN THERE,PAUL GO!,OH FUCKING SHIT,START BREAKIN-,HOLY FUCK.  
Then paullie saw the undead people from that ghost ship.  
Paullie: HEY, YOU SACK OF ASHES!  
Then she shows the middle finger to the entire ghost crew in their giant ghost ship.  
Paullie: GREETINGS FROM JACK SPARROW, SUCKERS!.  
Then the mertens ran away from that ship.  
Paul was scared shitless.  
Paul:Paullie, I told ya to not go to that place.  
Paullie: you mean the 1V1 place?  
Paul: gee, do you know what ship is!  
Paullie: an ordinary ghost ship  
Paul: no, it was the silent mary.  
Paullie:what?  
Paul: and do yo know who´s the one who owns that ship!  
Paullie: who..  
Paul: Salazar…  
Paullie: slytherin?  
Paul:no, Salazar.  
Paullie: salad.  
Paul: armando  
Paullie: armadillo?  
Paul: armando Salazar!  
Paullie: salty armadillo.  
Paullie: who told you that?  
Paul:the fandom.  
Paullie: what.  
Paul:nevermind.  
Then, they spended the day at the town.  
Paullie spend her day being drunk, while paul was thinking about what happened.  
Day has passed, then paullie had the wonderful idea to face against the silent mary.  
Mission person: I will not let them go against that ghost ship!, I will not think two idiots fighting against that dead Spaniard!.

Too late, the mertens and their pirate friends began to sail.  
And now we shall show you, paullie singing pirate songs just to annoy.  
Paullie:  
Do what you want 'cause a pirate is free, you are a pirate!

Yar - har - fiddle-dee-dee, being a pirate is all right to be!  
Do what you want 'cause a pirate is free, you are a pirate!

Paullie:  
Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate's life for me  
We pillage, we plunder, we rifle, and loot  
Drink up, me 'earties, yo ho  
We kidnap and ravage and don't give a hoot  
Drink up me 'earties, yo ho  
Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate's life for me  
We extort, we pilfer, we filch, and sack  
Drink up, me 'earties, yo ho  
Maraud and embezzle, and even high-jack  
Drink up, me 'earties, yo ho.  
After the singing, paullie was sitting on a chair, eating a block of cheddar cheese and drinkin´ a pepsi.  
She and her friends saw the silent mary,Paullie stood up, she picked a megaphone and yell: WHERE THE FUCK IS SALTY ARMADILLO?.  
One of the ghost crew appeared, after paullie´s calling.  
Ghost: sorry,but, you have to wait until midnight  
Paullie: HAHAHA, ARMADILLO IS JUST A PUSSY!  
After that, paullie and her friends had to wait until midnight.  
Paullie spend the day on the ship, playing tic tac toe, rolling around, looking at the sky etc.  
Then midnight came, she stood up and said:  
Let’s go!, paul, turn on the Bluetooth speaker and play ``he´s a pirate´´!  
So they started going towards the ship, but the silent mary attacked first.  
Paullie: holy shit, we´re surrounded!, attack now.  
Then her pals tried to attack the ghost people, but obviously you can’t stab a ghost.  
Paullie: yo, im starting to get seasick, I need to go!  
Paullie went just to puke due to her seasickness.  
Paul: Paullie!, he´s coming!  
Paullie:who?  
Paul: Armando!  
Paullie: oh shit, ok im preparing the gun!.  
After she prepared the stuff, while holding the gun, she saw him, in his all ghostliness.

Now you´re witness a fanfic scene goes wrong because paullie ruins it.  
Paullie: oh, so you are salty armadillo, you look like an amnesicon.  
Paul: Armando.  
Paullie:whathever, yo, im cap n´´crunch!.  
Paul: really?  
Salazar: you…  
Paullie: me, them, you mean me?,right?  
Salazar:…  
Paullie: you just caught in a really cheesy situation.  
Paul: paullie, don´t tell puns to a villain!  
Paullie: Salazar!, do you want to tell something before I kick your ghostly ass!  
Salazar looked angry at her, llie was like:``wtf is happening´´  
Salazar: your people took everything from me.  
Paullie: what kind of people?  
Then Salazar do the epic movie glare at her, he stare at her, looking her beautiful blue eyes, gee, this is awful.  
Salazar: pirates.  
Paullie and her pals were shocked, except the mertens, they saw the movie.  
Then Salazar started to tell his story and something about jack sparrow.

Paullie: oh shit, is he telling his backstory?  
Paul:yes.  
Paullie: oh goddamn it!  
Paullie didn’t care about salazar´s backstory, hours passed, paullie started to drink a fanta, and then she fell asleep.  
Paul: paullie wake up!.  
Paullie: what, did he finish?  
Paul: yes.  
Paullie: oh ok, what do you want,douchebag?!  
Salazar do that epic glare at her,again.  
Salazar: you remind me of jack, but, you are not like the other pirates.  
Salazar stroke paullie´s cheek, making her cringe, She walked away.  
Paullie: NOW HOLD ON, why every villain wants to date me?, *sigh* being newly single in the fandom is a nightmare. You can´t date me because: im a pirate, you´re an asshole, im alive, you´re dead, but if you said: dead man tell no tales, you´re lying, you just tell your story that nobody cares, this is like a fanfiction scene written by a teenie girl, geesh.

Salazar: stop that.  
Paullie: mr. dead Spanish man, telling me what to do, ohh,look at me, im shaking with fear because a pile of ash is telling me to stop, what are goin to do now, use your angst?.  
Then paullie was stabbed by Salazar, she looked shocked.  
Paullie: oh shit.  
Then she fell down dead.  
Salazar: well, any questions?  
Paul:…  
Salazar:well, you know what´s going to happen to all the pirates,right?  
Suddenly paullie stood up and ran towards Salazar.  
One of the ghost crew: captain, watch out!.  
Then, Paullie punches Salazar, knocking down.  
Paul: holy shit paullie, you just punched a ghost!  
Paullie: this is just the beginning, give me the chair  
Paul gave the chair to paullie, then she hit Armando with the chair.  
Paullie: now get up!  
Salazar:…  
Paullie: I SAY GET UP!.  
Then the battle started, her pals fight against the bag of ashes, then she ran to the silent mary.  
Paullie: hey you sack of ash!, im in your boat now, bitch!.  
And that, you´ll will witness the epic battle between an Oc and a villain from a recent movie from a saga.  
Something that doesn’t happen very often, you know Oc in a fanfiction just fell in love with the villain so fast, but paullie doesn’t do that, she just want action.  
After hours of beating, she goes to her ship.  
Random person: paullie, we defeat them.  
Paullie: oh god.  
Paul:what happened?  
Paullie: the sack of ash just kissed me…, is like eating a lump of coal.  
Paul: you have stains of ash.  
Paullie: the hug, this is why hate fics.  
Paul: inserting Paullie instead of the reader, in those captain Salazar x reader fics was a good idea.  
Paul: now what?  
Paullie: let´s party!  
Paullie´s pals:hooray!  
After that, they continued exploring, and they become the ``two idiots´´  
Now we can show a music video that paullie made:  
Paullie:  
Yo, Yo, Yo, Check this out.  
Lazy pirate day, set sail in the afternoon.

Paullie´s pals:  
We got these dope-ass grillz from melted dabloons!  
Paullie:  
I named my ship Fantasia after the American Idol Winner!  
Paullie´s pal:  
He should've named it studder! Yeah, yeah, boy! That's one big brother!  
Seacrest out!  
All:  
We are the Pirates (What?) Of the Carribean!  
We are the Pirates (Word!) Of the Carribean!  
Yes, the Pirates (What?) Of the Carribean!  
You love use Pirates (What?) Of the Carribean!  
Count us Pirates (What?) Of the Carribean!

Paullie:  
Word to the crackin'!.

After that thing, the mertens were at the town, llie was on her ship.  
Paullie: I prefer davy jones, he was awesome in the previous films, now we have this sack of ash that speaks Spanish.  
Paul: *sigh*, at least we saw him davy in that post-credits scene.  
Random person: guys!, I have big news!  
Paul: what is it?  
Random: davy jone´s back!  
Paullie: yeah boi, you know what it means paul!  
Paul:what!  
Paullie: return to ye olde films!  
Paul: awesome!  
Then paul and paullie high fived.

The end.  
Story made by skeletonhype train  
All this content mentioned belongs to the respective owners.


End file.
